January 30, 2011

This is my sister, Olivia. She’s 13 and a half years old. She’s in eighth grade at Explorer Middle School. She plays the cello. She’s an introvert. She likes to have dance parties with me. She works harder than anyone I’ve ever met. She works best in high stress situations. She makes a mean omelet. She has good taste in music. She wants to learn Korean. She doesn’t like red meat or most pork products. Her favorite food is spaghetti. She is amazing at soccer. She has taught me so much in life. I love her. This is pretty face value stuff, though. She hasn’t ever had to tell me any of this specifically. I’ve just kind of seen what she does and what she leans towards. And I’m assuming she loves me back. I don’t tell her that I love her, though. The last time I think I told her I loved her was maybe in June, when I had my surgery. I just always figure she knows that I do. And that’s not necessarily true. Sometimes people need to be reminded of the simplest things, even if they already know it. That’s how I feel about my relationship with God.

I feel like I don’t have to tell Him my fears, dreams, failures, temptations, aspirations, faults, needs or even that I love Him. I feel like it’s not needed because He already knows it all. But I don’t. And the only way I can ever be able to know this plan and God Himself more, is to try to create that relationship, and tell Him all these things. To know God, I have to first know myself and what my dreams, failures, etc are.

I’m not ashamed to tell people that I love my sister. She’s amazing. Why should I be ashamed of someone I love so much and has done so much for me and is just so incredible? I shouldn’t. So why are we –me included– ashamed of letting others know we love God? Not to say my sister isn’t great, but I’m pretty sure God outranks her by a long shot. Shouldn’t we be telling every one of this divine being that knows all of us so intimately and loves us regardless? Our God’s kind of love is agape: unconditional love.

It’s hard for me to know myself and share that with someone who can’t physically share back and make themselves known. I mean, my sister can talk back and share things, but I don’t even know the deeper things below the surface about her. I don’t know most of her feelings because I never thought it was much of my business. I feel like I have to let God do His God thing, and let it just affect me in which ever way He so chooses. Knowing someone as powerful as our God is unfathomable and honestly, a little scary. I feel like knowing Him, I will be knowing something I shouldn’t, or more than I should.

It’s strange to me, because in most relationships, both parties have to make themselves known to the other; without reciprocation, one cannot know the other. But with God, you don’t have to know Him for Him to know each and every individual detail about you. He knows the exact number of hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30). That’s kind of intense knowledge for someone to have when you’ve never met face to face.

I know my sister loves me. She doesn’t tell me often, but I know she does. And I’m pretty sure she knows I love her. We fight, we have arguments, we get mad at each other. But we fix it. And we know we love one another. There are many times I find myself getting mad at God. But I know He still loves me.

So why are we afraid? He already knows the dark roads we’ve walked, the wrong turns we’ve made, the delusional adventures we’ve taken. We just have to seize the opportunity to let it out to Him and absorb the knowledge of Him; to love Him.


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